#longing is enough for my brain sometimes
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the urge to make an oc ask blog is strong, but
A. the only fandom I'm really interested in right now, besides cos, is jrwi. and euhhh. I don't really have any jrwi oc's, with the exception of one herosona for pd
B. my moots..,,,, what would my moots think
#WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS I JUST REMEMBERED TO GO CHECK UP ON THAT WC JRWI AU..#ITS RLLY COOL BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING FROM IT IN A WHILE I DON'T THINK#ANYWAY WHOOPS#jrwi#just roll with it#jrwi oc#just roll with it oc#jrwi original character#ask blog#oc ask blog#rp blog#the urge.. I wanna return to my roots T^T#Worm Thoughts#PLUS. I HAVEN'T BEEN INTERACTING WITH ANY OF THE JR(P)WI BLOGS#SO NOBODY WOULD KNOW THE CHARACTER#no one would interact </3#tis fine#longing is enough for my brain sometimes
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I might’ve spoiled the plot of Natlan | Genshin Impact THEORY
In which I read so much lore that I gained the power to see the future (maybe) This ended up being a real challenge to make - but it was also really fun! Please do lemme know what you reckon of these ideas, and whether y’all wanna see me pattern-recognition my way into several corkboards worth of theories about any other topics sometime down the line! (^^)/
(also: HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🥳🎉 Here's wishing y'all every good thing for 2024)
#artists on tumblr#abd illustrates#genshin impact#natlan#game theory#idek how to tag this one i've never made a vid like this before uhm-- sgdfksdf#anyway oh my GOD i have had so many brain bees about this topic for the longest time#ik making a half hour video about it is unhinged enough but the fact that nobody else seemed to be talking about some of the patterns#was drivin me BONKERS#im so normal about this lore y'all mhm#but also silly tho the energy of this one is#im really proud of it! it was wierdly scary to branch out from my usual content like this#so i do sincerely hope it's a fun watch (^^)/#i'd love to make more off-the-wall and like deep-dive type stuff like this sometime if it goes over well 💖#it also took-- sO LONG TO MAKE#full time video essayists are to be feared i have learned#Youtube
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I need but I’m glad I’ve got therapy tomorrow
#kinda… down#feeling sort of broken#and I appreciate all the help#but I feel ignored sometimes like my problems are boring#it’s be nice if someone wanted to help me fix them#it’s just my brain being fucked I know#because I sound so ungrateful and shitty and horrible#horrible enough that it’s like?? I don’t deserve nice things!!#but sometimes I say I’m sad and I get a pity like and told it’s ok#I say I feel lonely and unliked and people say ‘aw’#others might get a long discussion or an outpouring of ‘I like you!!’#and i think I’m just missing out on that because I can’t make connections deep enough#also I’m needy and confused and never really feel like I’m anything to anyone#and that people don’t actually like me#and that me constantly feeling like this makes them like me even less?#but I can’t help it :(#and I wish I knew how to not feel like that and be normal#I think I’m gonna take a little break because I’m in a really deep hole#i'm sorry im like this#and I’m a little bit afraid for myself#finnie shouts into the void
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feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole
#hivemind tv#hmfcu#riley savage#graydon weaver#quadeca#jane remover#eden burke#my art#2023#fanart#doodles#furry#its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online#doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself#and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling#and come back and then the cycle repeats#its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard#so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)'#NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here#and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out#and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave#i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style#idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment#i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one”#or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it”#sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse#whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m#friends for a while i think#woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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Why are you tagging posts with dates from last year? Did you queue them last year?
… I did.
#Posting gives me apprehension. It's the anxiety of being perceived…#That's why even in the rare occasions I'm making a post to be posted immediately I usually still schedule it to like. Ten or fifteen or–#thirty minutes later#Just so that I don’t have to hit post lol#But yeah I usually simply draft posts and once in a while go dig down for posts from one year ago or so.#Ask me how long does it take me to dive through my ~17 800 drafts of posts (a lot) (90% of them are reblogs of course)#There’s also the fact that I want to reread the posts I’ve made some time after I’ve made them–#so that my brain is rewinded enough to notice any typos#(sometimes I end up rewriting the posts from scratch though so it doesn’t always work.#Other times I’ve reread the posts so many times I’ve memorized the sentences in them and will not notice typos because of that.)#Also sometimes I’m like “something something Akutagawa's bandaids”#or “something something compilation of Akutagawa looking at Atsushi in official art”#which is something I don’t have time to do on the moment and will leave for later#(and occasionally it happens I will never get to it at all. You have no idea how many posts in my queue are just like#“analysis on []” “compilation of []” “[edit concept]” dating as far back as three years ago#which I *should* get to elaborate eventually but eh… Not right now I suppose#On that there' literally a valley of at least 200 discarded posts in my queue “I will get to eventually”#And that's on top of the my original posts that don't make it past the drafts.#Mostly random and spontaneous thoughts that lose value after a day#I'm my own filter lol#people asks me stuff#It's also important to keep track of the date because there's takes I've completely moved on from–#but that I still find it relevant to be posted
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ok another headcanon and is from my ultimate comfort favs:
When demo got first hired by pauling he was like very shy and introverted at some point where everyone wasn’t like… that conjoined and besties as how they are now. And i feel like he got a pretty rough time to even start to talk with his teammates or get a tiny friendship with them.
And he often times was very threatened by small lady in glasses that liked to be strict with them in their first day since… it was business only ofc
but by the time when pauling got a bit more soft with them, and got also a bit friendly with demo i feel like at some point he started to develop a tiny crush with her since she was the one who often talks more with, and i have this other hc that also he would fell easily with people that befriends him (not like anyone of course it really does depends the person for him)
so you know pauling it’s nerdy and a bit sensitive (she cries very easily) and she is very friendly or a bit more extrovert if she gets to, but like in a sense where she is more ambivert too. uhhh idk she is just talkative with people if you get her chance where she’s not busy and will tell you to go to hell. rough lady
and he liked that! i think he thought they both shared some stuffs along and can infodump their love for guns and for the work they are in and then if they can go a bit personal with some drinks and he liked that he could share this stuffs with her all chill and cool
but i feel like he just had this side secret crush with her and stopped those want to be romantic feelings because he really saw she is not like, up to those stuffs, she is so focused on work and also stressed and depressed like him and he could just understand that she just only want someone to listen to her but she will not like, pay that much attention about romantic relationships and he could completely understand that once he get to know her more deeply. and he just couldn’t do that to the one who also considered a friend and he probably guessed she will not feel the same for him but that didn’t like hurt him and is not like he ever confessed to her. he just had those secret feelings for her for a time and then realized she was not really like the one for him to be in a relationship
and that’s where i thought of him now having a more soft spot for her and caring her like a sister (not like literally but in a familiar soft spot sense, but that’s ofc his friend)
so yeah idk 👍
#i don’t shipp them but just a character development thought ig idk i’m just stupid aha#i just care for them enough to invade my brain ok? ok. ok#i had one also with short fuse (demoengi)#where demo in his first days at work where nobody talks to each other and stuffs#and you know he is a very genius guy in also building his little stuffs his sticky bombs thing whatever the fuck you call those shits#and that called engie attention and he just got a bit closer to know about demo you know like#when you see a kid with pokémon cards and you like that and you go and talk to them about pokémon the entire recess? yeah like that#and that’s where demo started to develop a crush on engie because he talked to him about something they like for big long hours and yknow#engie might be a bit reserved in some personal stuffs but he can get friendly with anyone just bc he is a polite man good raised man#so that kindness in being so interested to talk to him just made demo FIUMP! get a bullet love in his little demo heart#i love building characters interactions sometimes ha#wrote all of this in class
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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im just lookin thru my archive rn cuz ive been posting fairly actively since like. july. debating if i need to do another #mentalhealthbreak or nah….
its not that ive run outta post ideas or anything(cuz my brain never shuts tf up), its just been kinda hard lately to keep up with the community aspect i think. i dunno. maybe im getting a bit burnt out again too
this is kinda the longest ive ever held a fixation consistantly, but the fear of slipping back into the Nothing Era where i got nothing to keep my brain occupied has me hanging on ig. i feel like im not done yet either like waiiiitttttt ive still got piles of wipssssssss i gotta make gay people realllllllll sigh
im only human im a messed up human blablah it makes good practice for adderall at least(not that its really been working) i just dont wanna be in a state where it feels like a chore yknow? like im not an influencer im a gay lil tumblr.com blog ffs
another dramatic emotion filled sigh………im gonna be staying out in the middle of the canadian sticks(farmland n woods n a couple beaches nearby) this winter for awhile, so maybe i’ll be able to figure out how to get some good chill time. or go more insane. (likely get more insane)
#(pic is from marvel comics presents 97 btw)(nice logan design in that one)#on one hand i hate how my brain never stops talking. the whole psychosis thing doesnt really help with that either.#on the other..my adhd makes it so its hard to hold my attention long enough to distract myself#so i dont really got a choice#i dont really socialize that often either. theres people i dm back n forth with but im not really a talk first kinda guy#or reach out kinda guy in general. got that Whats The Point style depression#and its probably my autism too lol#apparently i wouldnt be entirely isolated where im gonna be staying tho. maybe.#cuz my grandma mentioned that one of the nearby farmers kids is around my age#(gonna be staying in a room at my grandmas place)#and he recently moved back in after having some struggles. we got that in common ig.#they got like 6 kids and hes the only one that didnt wanna be a farmer#it’d be a miracle if i ever interacted with the guy tho#one of his younger brothers walks the dogs near the house sometimes so i could try talking to him ig#kind of a bitch to try to find friends after highschool..#4 fuckin years after highschool……
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almost three weeks into the DUI 🛵 situation and this is me more speaking to the void than anything but genuinely HOW are the majority of fans (maybe just the loud ones??) in undying support of him and saying "he did nothing wrong"? at first I was so fascinated by this whole situation and was like "haha they're delusional" but now it's just........ sad. there's always going to be fans in every fanbase that will bend over backwards to defend anything their fav does (and he very likely not face punishment/leave the group 😋🤪). but the fact that I cannot find a single thing criticizing him even slightly when I search just his name is diabolical. genuinely what has happened to that fandom lmao
#like dear god let's say if jh or any of the others did this... i at LEAST wouldn't be like 'nbd guys it's fine! it's just a minor felony'#a /FELONY/??????????#do you all not hear yourselves??????????????????????????????????????????????????#i guess i could just never see the fandom dropping this low? for so long i was like oh yeah they're just a bigger and crazier fandom but#they're normal... sometimes. and then this just altered my brain chemistry or is making me look at the fandom and the group in a stunningly#clear light. it's such a shift to me. maybe I haven't been paying attention enough. but anyway this feels like the beginning of something#sinister... or maybe im just yapping 😜#apple lady words#edit: what gets me is the posts of him smiling and captioning it w something like everything's gonna be ok#or im worried about his mental health#or. u know. mass streaming parties for support of him (arent we supposed to be boycotting hybe 🤓)#that's all. idk what else to say except five hundred million question marks in arial font
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one each a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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anyway s2 will always have a place in my heart
#spn#unironically they were the blueprint#irreparable damage to my psyche#husband and wife who grew up under the thumb of a mercenary with nobody but each other for comfort and are committed to a life of murder#on the run from the law together with identities they wear and shed on a whim twisted up by grief over their upbringing#trailing blood everywhere they go deeply unpalatable to most people they stick around long enough to get to know#at the heart of a brewing war that threatens to rip them away from each other but the concept is unfathomable so everything else can burn#both of them fighting the seductive pull of the dark bc letting it consume them would be easier than living thru this shit#also ash and jo are there sometimes :3#but i got so tired at the end of AHBL 2 when theyre having that convo abt dean's deal LMAO#like can both of u die together and leave the world alone already (my brain flitted thru 8 consecutive seasons of melodrama and the#100+ deaths therein)#tag vomit
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i always assumed he cut his hair with a pair of shitty scissors in front of his bathroom mirror at like 2am
#my art#kuron vld#vld#kurons design is really fucking funny to me for some reson#he looks so goofy???? boy why do you dress like that#he looks like a dog in a medical cone......... WHY#cant take his ass seriously#shiros s1&2 design made him look serious and reliable#but somehow his clone has the dumbest fucking outfit#i dont hate it or anything btw but it IS very funny to me. not in a bad way hes just silly#love this guy hes a fucking idiot<3 my silly guy<333#he caught one glance at himself in the mirror while idk brushing his teeth and had a breakdown#bc he didnt look enough like shiro and thats Not Good and he had to fix it so he doesnt feel Wrong anymore#having long hair was weird for him bc his brain was screaming at him that he doesnt look Right#but maybe there was a tiny part of him that didnt mind the hair. a part of him that wanted to be diffrent and try new things#but he couldnt do that bc Shiro Wouldnt Do That and he IS shiro(hes not). dumbass.#i love making clone characters trans allegories#or sometimes i just make literally them trans. its good for the soul:]#i am So Normal about this guy. i prommy.#kuronposting
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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Your back! :D
i am!! just very burned out :c
#if youve followed me for long enough youll know about my random bursts of going awol for a week or so from time to time#its... a problem. ill try to warn yall about future suprise hiatuses im sorry lmfao#my brain sometimes isnt braining and i have to take a break from the internet asksks
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